** A couple of weeks ago at work, a couple of my colleagues and I began discussing speed dating. These colleagues seemed interested in trying it out, so I attempted to make them a little guide. Revisions may need to be made, but my initial guide is below. **
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In my decades of guiding lost, lonely souls to the rosy-fingered dawn of enlightenment, I have been blessed to see providence’s fulfillment, but deuced to descry devastation’s desolation. Neither roller coasters nor Russian mountains have beheld the types of elevations and free falls that accompany one’s quest for love. It is not for the weak-hearted; it is not for the feeble-minded. This game is cerebral, like a game of chess. Remember that even though there are many moving pieces with unique moves, you determine your next move. Never forget that in the game of chess the queen moves wherever she wants, whenever she wants. Therefore, if your mind is open to love and your heart blissfully twitterpated, heed these humble words of advice.
It is essential, whilst in the confusing yet exhilarating throes of speed dating, to remember that time is a construct of one’s own imagination. Three to five minutes can race by in the twinkle of an eye, but three to five minutes may grind to an agonizingly molasses-like stalemate. If you do not take full advantage of the opportunity set before you, it is possible that true love’s chances could be painfully and regrettably squandered. Although your heart may be racing in your chest, threatening to leap out due to an exotic mixture of confidence and hopeless vulnerability, you must remain calm! Remain in control. Grapple with your second-guessing. Wrestle with your nerves in order to harness your passion and utilize your full potential.
The Introduction:
Omission is not the same thing as lying. Though
honesty is the best policy, try not to let your crazy off the chain
immediately. Maybe save it for the 3rd normal date. Given the time
restraints, avoid asking overly sensitive or bizarre questions (unless your
keen intuition immediately disqualifies your counterpart, in such case all bets
are off and you are free to unleash your crazy with no consequences)!
Before you can bluntly profess your undying love for your speed-date counterpart, you must first bear in mind that the allotted time may be short; however, the evening is quite long and you shall be faced with multiple intriguing suitors that may or may not tickle your fancy. In order to weed out the rotten apples, ask a few of the following inquiries to feel out (but not feel up) your counterpart:
© What is something that you are most proud of?
© If you were the star of a movie, who would you want as your co-star?
© Do you know any tricks?
© Have you ever been arrested of a crime?
© Describe yourself in five words.
© What is your favorite wine?
© If you were given $10,000 dollars tomorrow, how would you spend it?
Due to the fact that there are copious colorful
cornucopias of people, feel free to amend this list as you see fit. The eyes
of your counterpart should help to inspire your questions. Say that their eyes
do inspire you. Say that their glint conjures up an impulsive flood of
questions. In that case, you are ready for the next step.
The Follow-Up:
If you have come across some one of genuine intrigue, don’t
forget that speed dating isn’t an interview. It especially is not a job
interview. If this person has a certain gravitational charisma, instead of
beating around the bush with incessant “introductory” questions, dive into the
issues that will help to better focus on their key attributes.
Seeing as you may intend to spend more time with your future matches, ask something about time:
© What is your favorite month, and why?
© What is your favorite season, and why?
In this case you will find out exactly what time of year they are at their best. You will potentially see them in their (pardon the pun) true elements. Also, you will be able to determine the compatibility of your seasons (see the song “In Summer” from Disney’s Frozen). Disillusions are discouraging!
Moreover, seeing as you will intend to spend much time…discussing things…with this person, you need to ascertain whether or not they are even on your level.
© What is your favorite musical artist, or band?
© What is your most beloved book?
© What is the last book (or anything) that you have read?
Never sell yourself short. Don’t compromise mental
compatibility for a cute, tight badonkadonk.
The Ol’ Switcheroo:
By the time that you have gotten through these
eloquent exchanges, it’ll be about time to switch. If there are still valuable
seconds, I finally grant you permission to ask that one question burning a hole in your soul. However, if there
are still several excruciatingly wretched, horrendously insufferable moments
left, throw them a curve ball just to make it interesting.
© How much do you think a woman should weigh?
© Do you have any hidden talents—like licking your elbow, or biting the
© How much do you think a woman should weigh?
© Do you have any hidden talents—like licking your elbow, or biting the
back of your
shoulder, or burping the alphabet, or something?
Or the ever awkward, watch-them-sweat,
there-is-never-a-correct-answer-to-this-question question:
© Which of us do you think is smarter than the other?
© Which of us do you think is smarter than the other?
Once your time has expired, respect the rules and move
along quickly. Keep the game rolling. You should be assumed a few moments after
the “date” to take down notes about your love interest, or else just check the НИКОГДА box.
Conclusion:
In summary, remember that your responses to his
questions should be like a mini skirt: long enough to cover the subject and
short enough to create some enticement. Speaking of skirts, dress well for the
event! Stylish. Empower. Intriguing. Be confident, and be yourself. Speed
dating is nice because of the lack of pressure. Embrace that fact.
© Good
luck
© Godspeed
© Live
long, and prosper!
